u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
