dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
