ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
