Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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