marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
