but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
