Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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