party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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