I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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