I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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