didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
