You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
