hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
