All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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