I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
