He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
