I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
