Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My ATM looks so different sober.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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