Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
