Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
