So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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