A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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