TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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