I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
