I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't turn off my feet"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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