I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
