worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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