he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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