Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
