You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
