I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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