i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
