peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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