im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
