I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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