my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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