It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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