what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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