just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
