rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
