Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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