It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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