I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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