he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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