Screwed.edu
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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