That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
