I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize