I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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