I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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