4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
