I feel like abortions should bother me more
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
