I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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