Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
