Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
