Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
