Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
