you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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