Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
