I wish I could punch you in the face.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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