dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
