Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
