but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
