I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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