"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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