Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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