Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
