piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Welp...herpes.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
