i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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