Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
