I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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