Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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